Que Sera, Sera – Life’s Lessons

18-year old Andrea

18-year old Andrea

Recently, I ran into a gentleman who knew me in my youth. He reminded me that we’d met through a mutual friend when I was on my way to college. That would’ve made me 18 years old. 18… a million years ago. He said he remembers our conversations. Conversations?

I wish my memory was much better, because as much as I tried, I had no recollection of ever meeting this man, though he seemed very nice, and I assume he was nice back then, also.

He remembered I’d had a boyfriend at that time, and the gentleman said I’d told him something about that relationship he never forgot.

First, I flinched. Oh, man! What did I say? I hope it made sense. Then, why would he remember, to this day, something an 18-year old girl said?

What I’d told him was I believed God put my boyfriend and me together.

I chuckled, thinking, really? I said that?

Then the gentleman asked if I’d married that boyfriend. No, I hadn’t, was my simple reply. And I  felt a bit like I was standing on a mound pebbles instead of a solid carpeted floor in the library’s staff lounge. The gentleman gave me an odd look, as if he’d seen my life flash before my eyes, as I had at that very moment. Or, perhaps he’d somehow heard the rest of the answer I hadn’t said out loud – No. Instead I married the absolute w r o n g man, and divorced him. But I got a wonderful son out of the deal.

After that conversation, I found myself in a bit of… a way. I couldn’t get it out of my head.

Funny, how some things turn out, because I fondly remember that boyfriend, my high school sweetheart. We dated off and on through my college years, and then… I met someone new, that wrong man. And that, was that.

But what about the blather about God putting you and your boyfriend together? My mind taunted me about that statement, hand on hip, pointing its finger in my face.

And I reasoned. God had put us together… for that time period. I felt a bit better after that, and when I posted about the incident on Facebook, I got a couple of comments that further eased my mind, a little.

Screen shot 2015-04-13 at 9.22.07 AM

 

Screen shot 2015-04-13 at 9.22.55 AM

 

 

 

The thing is, I’ve always felt guilty about leaving that boyfriend, as expressed in this poem I wrote not long after that leaving.

I long for the love

I left in you

and want to

run back to it

and hold on tight

like the last time

never wanting

to let go

never wanting

to be released

(c) Andrea Daniel 1986

 

The guilt is compounded, considering the man I married was abusive. But, as I mentioned, I have a wonderful son as a result of that marriage. And my old boyfriend and I are still friends, and he has wonderful sons of his own. If we’d married, the outcomes would’ve been different, of course…

So, to put a pin in it, through the years, I’ve come to believe whatever is meant to be, will be. Life’s lessons come through some of the hardest circumstances sometimes, and there is a reason for everything. On my end, all I can do is grow from them, and find peace.

Que sera, sera.

4 Comments
  1. Early love stays with us in more ways than we realize. Timing is everything, as they say, and opportunities to choose true love can come back around. Could your encounter with the memory man be an awakening to the possibility of new love? Or not! Que sera, sera.

  2. Very honest post. I’m not gonna say everything happens (or doesn’t happen) for a reason cuz the world might do a collective eye roll and the earth might tip off its axis but it’s true. I really liked this, thanks for sharing it.

  3. Andi, have you ever considered that you and your old boyfriend are what you are suppose to be, friends? 😉

    • Truman, that’s a good point, and I’m very grateful to still be friends with him. Thank you for reading and for commenting.

%d bloggers like this: